‘I am no Super-Mom’!

I am no Super-Mom, please don’t call me that. I don’t want to be that. I don’t see this as a personal incompetence, but courageous on my part to accept that ‘I cannot do it all’. Its funny how the social pressures seem to praise a woman who can ‘do it all’, the more you multitask, the more ‘super‘ or awesome you are. Sometimes we forget, who are we trying to ‘do it all’ for? In reality, most of the time, we are our own worst critic.

I recently took a very tough decision of my life – to become a stay at home Mom, temporarily. Maybe for 6 months to a year, through the very initial phases of my son’s preschool years.  This decision came after much thought, research and support from family. I read numerous articles and surveys on Moms who took a break from their career to raise a baby. Spent countless hours searching the Internet for work/home balance tips and suggestions, and constantly thinking to myself (criticizing) why wasn’t I able to achieve any of the level of satisfaction/balance described in those articles. I knew it was time for a change – a break from the routine.

Women constantly face tough choices when it comes to this period in life – motherhood. You work very hard, study hard (I spent 6 years plus certifications) to get where you are, and have higher aspirations, when you have to make difficult decisions. Most of the time, it doesn’t have to be ‘either’ ‘or’. While legalized maternity leave (FMLA)  is ‘short’ in the US (12 weeks), a few employers do offer flexibility these days, including work from home to part-time options. However, not everyone can be lucky to find such an employer, while daycare and nanny care can be quite expensive.

 A lot of my friends did say, ‘having a kid changes everything’, but I knew a part of me wasn’t ready to give up my lifestyle, my financial independence, and my career. But I now know, I am not giving up anything. I am just putting brakes on one aspect of my life, and focusing on another, and will be back very soon to pick up where left. Right now, I plan to simply cook for my kid, enjoy his smiles, and take care of myself.

Good luck to everyone who does an awesome job at work and at home. I know how hard it can get. Being organized with healthy meals itself can be quite challenging. You don’t get any extra special treatment if your kid is sick at home on a weekday or if you simply feel like being home with the kid one day. If you have an employer who is flexible and willing to work with you, that’s awesome!

Now I know, Mom doesn’t always have to include the word super before it. Being a Mom itself is super, for everything you do is super-awesome and is for the family!

 

Memories of a hometown

Mumbai (Photo credit: chnswam)

13 years ago, this month we were sitting in our living room back in Mumbai contemplating our move to New Zealand. We were excited but nervous. Didn’t know what the future held for us. Didn’t know why we were going there. Mom and Dad had told us about our move a couple of months ago and were excited. It sounded like a fantastic idea and we were very much excited. We sold our home where we lived forever. I was still in my teens then and remember the tears flowing from my eyes when I touched the walls of our home the day we left it. I was happy, but was emotional. At that time, I really didn’t know why we were leaving, and if it was necessary. We had a lot of memories there. Sharing the couch with my baby sister, watching late night world cup soccer games with my Dad, drawing all over the walls of our home, painting our walls, and then repainting them as we had messed them up, having our first computer there, our first car, sitting up late to study for exams or watching the cricket world cup, having friends over for birthdays, Holi, Diwali’s, new year’s festivities with our apartment folks, study groups and endless other memories. I still remember the watchman from our apartment building who taught me how to ride a bike. I know I’ll never get these moments back. I visited my old home when I was in Bombay in 2007. I had gone back after 8 years. It was different. I somehow couldn’t associate myself with the place anymore. It had changed. And so had I.

Life turned out pretty okay after moving out of Vashi. Starting out to travel from that time, I’ve travelled and lived in 3 continents since. Developed a new liking for travel and exploration. Learned about independence, food, new ideas, and culture. 10-12 years ago, I would never think about trying out a new dish, learning a new language, a new personal style, read, dance and do so many other things I enjoy doing now. I am more open to new ideas, while still retaining my roots and the values I believe in. I enjoy where I am and what I do.

However I know will never get those moments back spent in Bombay. It was where my childhood was, what I knew about growing up and will always be my hometown.

Confessions of a new Mom!

It was one Thursday afternoon and I was working part-time and I had just come back home from work. When I came in, I saw that the part above my son’s eyelid was swollen and red. I freaked out! Ran to the pediatrician right away and I was told it was a mosquito bite and he needed to take antibiotics for that. I was like he didn’t even go outside and stayed home all day and yet he had a mosquito bite? He did get better overtime. However he needed an injection for it before he was discharged.

I was more like, why did he have to be bitten by a mosquito in the first place? Why did the mosquito bite only him and not anyone else who were around? And why near his eye? I cried for the first time in the doctor’s office more than my son did when he got that injection and looking at his swollen eyelid!

As a new Mom there are so many things we don’t know, we trust our pediatrician, sometimes our best friend ‘google’, and sometimes our parents and friends advice. And especially when you have not really been around babies or kids while growing up, it makes it much more harder. Most of the times however, I say trust your instincts for advice.

1. The first time my son got a cold, I suffered more than he did, I’m sure. Spent a few sleepless nights checking his temperature every now and then, and going back to the doctor every 2 days.

2. When my son started to roll over at around 3.5 months and later when he became an expert at it, he preferred sleeping on his tummy all night. Every time I put him to bed straight on his back, he rolled right away to his tummy. I suddenly remembered SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome) and started having all crazy thoughts afraid of things like ‘what if he can’t breathe’? And actually stayed up through the night turning him over every time he rolled onto his tummy. My husband and me took turns staying up the night. Later, someone at work told me, Umm…I suggest you talk to his pediatrician, friends can advice, but sometimes only when you talk to the doctor you can get over your paranoia.  ”You don’t need to worry about SIDS when they rollover and can lift their head up”!

3. Never had my son sleep next to me on my bed until he was 3 months, afraid that I will fall on him, despite the fact that I am an extremely light sleeper and can wake up at the drop of a thing on the ground!

The first time your kid gets a cold, gets fever, gets hurt, goes to daycare/ preschool; it’s more taxing on the Mom than the kid him/herself. Running to the doctor every 2 weeks, just to be safe, is usual in most households I bet!

Now I am much more relaxed. I know I cannot avoid him getting sick anytime, although it still does break my heart to see him in “that way”. He has got a cold 2 more times already, and will a lot more times in the future I know. Whether I like it or not, he likes to sleep on his tummy and crawls in his crib to a corner through the night. He has hit himself on his head, fallen down a few times already while learning to stand. It’s just part of growing up. I know once he starts walking he’ll keep falling over but will get up again and carry on about his usual business with a smile!

The ‘first year’ is a lot of exploration for the kid as well as for the Mom. No wonder there are books by experts on such stuff. As you explore your nurturing skills, you soon become an expert too, an expert on everything about ‘your’ kid. I was a paranoid Mom in the beginning (And I accept it without any hesitation!) and still sometimes I am, but I would never let that come in the way of my kid’s learning/exploring experience. From what I learned through my limited experience – for all the other new Moms out there or those who are ready to become one – ‘Enjoy’! Enjoy each and every moment with your kid, for they grow up way too fast. Every moment you enjoy with her/him will be a memory to be cherished for a lifetime.

Life is a gift. Never forget to enjoy and bask in every moment you are in. (Photo credit: Aristocrats-hat)

Reflections on being Indian by heart

Today India celebrates 65 years since it became an independent and a democratic nation in 1947. I am pretty sure everyone likes their mother country where they were born, or were raised or have some sense of belonging. This year it’ll be 13 years since I left India. The move when we left Bombay (For me the city where I was born is always Bombay, regardless what the name will change to) was not my decision, it was my parents. But I would think sooner or later I would have moved out of Bombay I am definitely a different person now than what I would be if I was living back in Bombay.

Though I have lived out of India from a long time now, I still believe I am an Indian from heart. I love the colors, the dresses, the festivals, my faith, the food, bollywood, music, etc. I will not comment on politics, nor sports, nor the infrastructure over there. It’s been 13 long years since I have lived there. It’s strange how even since moving out during my teens, today after 10-12 years I still seek out Indian friends, Indian groups etc. I love my non-Indian friends, but still like hanging out with Indians too.

Sometimes I wonder, what I should I be proud of being from India. Is it the culture, is it the relations and family, is it sports, is it the IT sector, is it the transportation? Is the parents/in-laws who want to believe their way or tradition is correct, or is it the people who live in ignorance? During childhood days at school, I remember writing an essay or a note or something with things like – “Mera bharat mahan (my country is great), or “unity in diversity”. What do they mean now? Has anyone of us thought about it for a moment or two during their visit to India?

For anyone who has seen ‘Satyamave Jayate’ would at least be able to comprehend some of the issues which never even arrive to the surface in India.  I never knew about a lot of things discussed in that series. I still don’t get it, why do well off families as well still prefer a male child in their families? Why? Why? Why? Having a baby is itself a blessing! The female feticide and the dowry issues are by far the most common issues I have heard about and seen as well. If that series could change atleast one person it was probably worth watching it.

This time during Olympics, Indian players made a good effort. They probably are people still complaining why doesn’t India win medals? Answer to those people is; – would you encourage your daughter/son to join a sports team? If not, don’t talk.

Today as I have a son who is born an American whom I will try raising him as an Indian/American. As long as he knows a little Indian history, our mother tongue (telugu, hindi), and respects women and elderly people, I know I have raised a kid with good values in my perspective. To me, by far the things that I cannot stand are hypocrisy, and lack of respect for women.

India for me, is my motherland. That’s where I was born. No one can change that. That’s all I know.

PS. This is just my opinion. And does not reflect anyone else’s thoughts.

Related articles

• An open letter to President Pranab (thehindu.com)
• How India’s favorite TV show uses data to change the world (gigaom.com)
• Celebrating the Indian Tricolor: Samosa Chaat! (spiceinthecity.wordpress.com)
• Mera Bharat Mahaan, or, Thoughts on India’s Independence Day (waxingunlyrical.com)

I love you, Dad!

Reblogged from smilesndreams:

It's been a while since I've posted anything. I know I have broken my promise of writing something every week (Promise I made to myself). There had been things I was busy with the past few weeks personally and never just got the time to actually sit down to write a meaningful post. Anyhow, I now plan on being on track again and will try my best again to write something meaningful and that I have an interest in every now and then.

Read more… 568 more words

An old blogpost of mine. Just missing my Dad....

“When a baby is born, so is a mother!”

2011 started for me very slow. I passed a certification exam in 2010, a goal that I had set for myself in 2009. 2011 started, and I began blogging, and also wanted to blog weekly. After a couple of months, I couldnt continue blogging let alone writing weekly. Me and my husband were expecting our first baby! Along with excitement, happiness and nervousness, I was having a myriad of emotions when I found out I was expecting. My baby was to be born on December 22nd, a Christmas baby! All I could think about is “will I be a good Mom”, “I cant believe I am really having a baby”!

The next few months me and my husband spent reading many baby books and attending pregnancy classes. We were trying to learn “how to be parents”. ‘Sai Samvith’ was finally born a few days before the due date. To be honest, we forgot everything that we learned in classes and read in books once we saw Samvith. The moment I heard his first cry, tears rolled down on my cheeks. While everyone around me including friends were trying to decide who he looks like most, all I could see is a tiny face with eyes starring at me! The first time his tiny fingers held my finger tight in his palm, my joy knew no bounds.

His first smile, his first babbles, his first bath,  his first visit to his grandparents place (my parent’s place), his first portrait session…I look forward to his many more firsts and many milestones!

Being a new Mom was first scary, I was very nervous, but these days I can’t think about life without my baby! It is rightly said, “When a baby is born, so is a mother”.

Facebook – you love it and hate it, but you want to be on it!

This year has been really busy for me. I know I had made a promise to write a blog every week for this year. However, I just couldn’t keep up with it. Instead I decided to write whenever time permits and obviously when I have a topic at hand.

I wanted to write something about Facebook for a very long time now. I’m pretty sure a lot of us are on Facebook. Sometimes it’s a time waster, while sometimes it’s a great way to stay in touch with your friends. With all the recent changes going on with Facebook, I thought it’s the best time to write something about it too.

Facebook vs Google Plus -

I am on Facebook as well, along with the other networking sites – Twitter, LinkedIn and more recently Google+.  I have always admired Google for whatever new they have come up with, and Google + is pretty much combination of social networking,  and everything you already do with Google such as – sharing photos, chat, video chat (Google hangout), and their privacy settings are much more clearer and self-intuitive than Facebook.  I liked Google Plus. Be it Google’s first attempt at a social networking site – orkut or the latest – Google Plus, they have always been trying to compete with Facebook however. Some stats on Google Plus -

Read more about the growing rate of Google Plus here -

http://technewsarena.com/2011/08/04/google-plus-becomes-fastest-growing-social-network-ever-touches-25-million-visitors/

Facebook Friends, status messages, Photo sharing –

I call myself an active Facebook user, as I use Facebook (login and check newsfeed etc) at least 2 times a day. I come home in the evening and check Facebook after work on a typical day. On a weekend, I get my cup of coffee and login into email and then Facebook. So probably I’m a loyal Facebook user?

One biggest problem I have had with Facebook all the time is how loosely it interprets the word ‘friend’.  To me a friend is someone whom I can rely upon.  However, I’m not sure how many of the 120+ friends I have on Facebook I can actually rely upon. And if you are a ‘friend ‘on Facebook I would think you would at the very least, write on my wall, comment on a post, or a photo or wish me on my birthday or interact with me in some way rather than just being a number of my friend’s list. I see Facebook as a great networking tool, however if only 20-30 people interact with me more often and if there is no interaction between the rest of my ‘friend’s and me, how am I or you “networking”  (if that’s what Facebook is for).

With all these recent changes happening in Facebook, how do we keep up with it? You login one day and the site is all changed. You hate it, you love it, but if you want to be on Facebook you have to get around it! Most likely it’s to get people to stay on Facebook and compete against Google Plus?

Recently with all the changes going on with Facebook, they introduced a feature supposedly that will be good for you – Facebook timeline.

Read more about the article here – http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/technology/2011/09/facebook-new-timeline-feature-makes-it-easier-to-find-who-defriended-you/ .

Now you might want to think twice before you  want to quietly ignore a friend request or ‘defriend’ someone because you haven’t spoken to them in years…I would think if you want to delete a friend from your friends list, hmmm…wouldn’t you want to keep it quiet and delete them silently?

Some humor 

There’s a YouTube video about “Facebook in real life”. Do watch the video and enjoy it which will surely bring in some giggles

Are you on Facebook? How active are you? Are you able to keep up with the updates in Facebook?

Have you heard of Google +? Are you on Google +?

And my love relationship with Facebook – posting a link to my blog on Facebook!